Join our friends list on Myspace.com/thebasketballbeat

Dribble

By Tony Williams

Tuesday, June 24^th, 2008

· Well, better stock up on necessities because Doc Rivers just out-coached Phil Jackson en route to the NBA title. Seriously, in the grand scheme of things that are least likely to happen, isn't Doc Rivers outwitting The Zen Master even less likely than say an Adam Sandler movie that doesn't include all his friends? Or a Will Farrell sports movie that doesn't suck? Or Kevin Garnett AND Ray Allen collectively ridding their career-long sphincter tightus in the SAME SERIES???! I mean, I may have to start rationing food and water. Yikes!

· Seriously, though, this series was a train wreck for Laker fans! I've had nightmares of being Andy Dufresne locked in a cell with the Sistahs that weren't as grueling as watching LA getting smoked by the C's.

· I'm still not over this loss. And for any new readers to this space KNOW that I'm serious. It's taken all of my professionalism to not go nuts and start trashing all things Celtics. To not start ugly rumors about KG, Ray-Ray, and Paul Pierce. But seriously, the C's deserved this ‘chip. They earned it by dismantling the Lakers. This was worse a woodshed beating than what the Spurs gave the Cavs last Finals. The Cavs were a one-man team that shouldn't have been there. These Lakers were actually favored at the start of the Finals. But I always [begrudgingly] give credit where it's due. Boston won it. The Lakers didn't lose it. There's a difference, trust me.

· Not to say I'm not bitter over this. I'm VERY bitter! Matter of fact, I saved a transcript that I sent to Mr. Boston Sports, Bill "Sports Guy" Simmons at ESPN.com. Here it is. You can feel the spitefulness dripping in the text...Hey, Sports Guy. It's Tony Williams from The Basketball Beat again. First, congrats. And kudos to you for not trying to gloss over the Game 2 officiating and instead calling it like it was. I admit that Boston deserved to win it because LAL clearly didn't want it enough. But I must admit I was half-ready for you to do what every other writer, sans me, would say afterwards: that the Lakers were too passive, so they didn't DESERVE the calls that the C's were getting! PUH-LEEZE! A foul's a foul, no? A foul on a jump shooter's arm is just as effective as a hack on the arm as a baller is going to the tin, right? The Lakers were clearly taken out of Game 2 by Delaney's Debauchery. I've played many a rec league where atrocious officiating takes the wind -- and aggressiveness -- out of your sails. Eventually, you take on that mentality of "SCREW IT! THIS IS A NO EFFING WAY GAME!" and turn more passive than Forest Gump in that scene with Jenny. But I digress. True, I'll give credit where it's due...Boston DESERVED to win Game 2 - and that series. They executed better, coached better, and were ignited by their crowds, while my Lakers experienced sphincter tightus. That said, when it was time to vote the T-Mobile Player of the Game, I once texted ‘refs!' Wonder if that was accepted as an actual vote?" So, there you have it. That's this die-hard Laker fan's way of giving dap to the hated Celtics. Can we move on now before my head explodes? Thanks.

· Corrupt ref Tim Donaghy again in the news? Geez, this guy just won't go away, huh? He's either trying to take everyone down with him or lessen his bid. Either way, all you Sopranos fans know what happens to rats, don't you? And since I jokingly dub Commissioner David Stern "The Don" I advise Donaghy to not rock the boat, take what you know with you, and zip it. But funny thing is that his charges might have some validity to it. Donaghy claims that Game 6 of the 2002 Western Conference Finals was fixed. I mean, noted homecourt homer Dick Bavetta, aka, "Knick" Bavetta did work the game in question [Bavetta was dubbed "Knick" by Tim Hardaway after his Miami Heat was screwed by the all the home calls the Knicks were getting over the Heat in one particular series]. Maybe the Lakers were aided by a ridiculous amount of calls but what about the egregious calls against them in that Game 5 in Sacto - a 92-91 Kings win where Kobe was fouled shooting a potential game-winning jumper over Bobby Jackson? Besides, Sacto BLEW GAME SEVEN in their own building in overtime -- with Kobe and Derek Fisher both having five fouls for most of the fourth and all of overtime -- so the Kings had chances, too! Don't know how much credence I'd put into his testimony but where there's smoke there's usually fire.

· Donaghy also said that a 2005 Houston-Dallas series was rigged. Then-Rockets head coach Jeff Van Gundy was fined a record 100Gs for his transgressions of saying a ref told him the L was going to crack down hard on Yao Ming, so the series would go longer [Houston was up 2-0 at the time]. Donaghy said that as an alternate ref he was told that if he officiated Game 3, he should enforce screening rules strictly against Yao. It should be noted that the Rockets under JVG were strictly a screen-and-roll offense and by taking that option out the Rockets' playbook, they did in fact lose Game 3 - and eventually the series in seven.

· OK, some more Purple and Gold sulking and then I'm done...throughout Games 1 and 2 EVERYONE but Kobe had "the look." Dear in headlights is too kind. I'd say it was more like "Will Wheaton In Stand By Me After Seeing The Leeches ‘Down There'" looks. Seriously, did the Kobeites catch sphincter tightus from Garnett and Allen?! They all seemed shell shocked by this moment, as if it was too big for them. And I understand all but Kobe, Fisher, and Luke Walton were Finals virgins but c'mon, fellas, Man Up! The Hollywood Walk of Fame gets walked over less than Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom in that series. Ugh!

· Not questioning Pierce's toughness...NEVER THAT! Dude survived 11 stab wounds, nearly bled to death while dragging himself to the hospital, and suffered a collapsed lung in October 2000, only to play in Boston's first exhibition game two weeks later. I'll NEVER question that man's fortitude. Celtic or no Celtic, I commemorate that man's heart. Buuuuut, it was odd seeing him writhe in pain like a "fouled" FIFA player, get literally carried off the court by two teammates, AND get wheeled back to the locker room in a wheelchair like a mother who just had a Cesarean, only to be seen MINUTES LATER skipping back onto the court like a scene in "Little Orphan Annie"! C'mon! And they say only Hollywood has the drama. Looks like for one night only Tinseltown found Beantown!

· Forward P.J. Brown was the biggest punk on the C's - closely followed by James Posey and his hip-checks after whistles. But Brown is just a terrible bully who seems to get off on glowering at and "accidentally" bumping into shrimpish guards like Jordan Farmar and Sasha Vujacic -- or suplexing Charlie Ward into photog row. You've NEVER seen him try that crap with a Shaq, Dale Davis, Kevin Willis, or Charles Oakley type. Pathetic.

· Beantown Beatdown! 39 points???! Are you kidding me? I know Boston was the best team all year, wire-to-wire, and LA just started to peak once the Gasol trade went down but seriously, Andrew Bynum or no Andrew Bynum, Boston just wanted it more. You could see it in the body languages. LA just didn't seem to want it enough...and yes, that includes Kobe, whose Top-10 all-time status took a hit. Can you imagine Magic, Michael, or Bird allowing their squad to get run out the gym in a decisive game? Of course not! This is the second time this has happened to a Kobe and Phil team. Remember when LAL went up 3-1 on the Suns back in '06, only to blow the advantage and have to play a Game 7 at Phoenix. The Suns HAMMERED the Lakers, too, 121-90. Surely you can see the common denominators. I'm still puzzled why Kobe didn't go out with both barrels blazing? Especially when it was obvious that EVERYONE else in Royal Purple and Gold contacted sphincter tightus from KG and Allen. Of course, that's my slick way of a mea culpa. Yes, KG and Ray-Ray, you're no longer saddled with that ugly tag. You can now relocate to that room where recently cured sphincter tightus athletes reside...please have a seat right next to Mr. Eli Manning.

· I love writing these blogs. It's almost therapeutic...almost.

· And, finally, the ShaKobe drama reappeared in form of song, as Shaquille O'Neal ripped Kobe in a freestyle rap at a NYC nightclub, Sunday night. Some of Diesel's better lines..."You know how I be, last week Kobe couldn't do without me..." He then implored the hyped crowd to repeat his hook, "Kobe, tell me how my [butt] tastes..." And not to be outdone, he expanded on what really destroyed their already frayed relationship when he played off of the fact that Kobe once dimed him out to the police. When Kobe was charged with sexual assault in 2003, it was Bryant who said in a police transcript that "maybe I should just pay off the girl like Shaq does." Shaq, obviously still miffed by that, spewed this line, "I'm a horse. Kobe ratted me out, that's why I'm getting divorced. He said Shaq gave a woman a mil. I don't do that ‘cause my name's Shaquille. I love ‘em, I don't have to leave ‘em. I got a vasectomy, now I can't breed ‘em." Soon after the TMZ tape went public, O'Neal had this to offer in way of a quasi-apology, "I was freestyling. That's all. It was all done in fun. Nothing serious whatsoever. That is what MC's do. They freestyle when called upon. I'm totally cool with Kobe. No issue at all. And by the way, don't forget, six albums, two platinum, two gold. Anybody who knows me knows I'm a funny freestyler. Check the NBA DVD when I was rapping about Vlade Divac during my first championship run. Please tell everybody don't make something out of nothing." Now, Shaq is usually a standup guy but people in the know also are VERY aware that Big holds grudges. And when you bring up your marital status - and the fact that your arch enemy was the cog behind your newfound single status - that seems personal, no? But this is Shaq's modus operandi. He ALWAYS hammers people when they're down...or when he's done with them. Ask Anfernee "Penny" Hardaway. Ask Phil Jackson. Ask Pat Riley. Even ask Chris Quinn and Ricky Davis, whom were innocent victims in his verbal drive-by after being traded to Phoenix: "We have professionals who know what to do. No one is asking me to play with Chris Quinn or Ricky Davis. I'm actually on a team again." So, this is who Shaq is. He's a paradox. One part Mr. Funny Man. One Part NBA Legend. One Part Mr. Loving Philanthropist. One part Mr. Vindictive. But All Parts Mr. Teflon because no one ever dares to call him out when he's wrong. Well, I will. And even though I'm a Lakers fan, Shaq is still my favorite player in the L. But in the words of Mark Jackson, "C'mon, Shaq. You're better than that!"